Safely Home With God

On Saturday, February 19, 2022, my husband had been in the hospital for three weeks dealing with complications from his cancer, but he was feeling better and asked for some wonton soup.

“Great idea,” said his doctor.

“Wonderful,” said his dietician.

So I brought my husband the wonton soup he asked for, and spooned some into a bowl that I brought from home along with one of our glass Chinese soup spoons. “You’re so good to me,” he said.

He savoured each wonton as we watched the Olympics together and as he explained the intricacies of curling to me.

But suddenly he was overcome by yet another cancer-related complication, and just a few hours later with me at his side, he breathed his last and crossed the threshold between this life and the next. Instead of bringing him safely home to me, God brought him safely to our eternal home.

I am still in shock and devastated by this sharp turn in our journey, in such a different direction than we and many had prayed for and different than even Gary’s medical team had expected, although of course they are well aware that critical events can happen at any time. Yet I am also deeply grateful for the life we shared together until the end, for all the prayers and support that have sustained us, and for God’s abiding presence and mercy.

Rest well, my dearheart. Always yours.

People are like a breath;
their lives are like passing shadows.
Lord, tear open the sky and come down.
Psalm 144:4-5

Gary was born in Vancouver, B.C., played many sports in his childhood and youth, met me in high school, was baptized into the church, married me just before he started law school, graduated and passed the bar, managed a running shoe store, earned a Master of Divinity and a Ph.D. in biblical studies. He taught at a Bible school for over twenty-five years, then taught and supervised grad students at a Christian university. His research specialty was perspective criticism, and his latest project was developing an animated video series to teach New Testament Greek.

Gary was an innovative teacher and scholar, who met hardship with endurance and faith in God, and was unfailingly kind to others even as he went through hospitalizations and chemotherapy. He loved mentoring and encouraging others, watching and analyzing movies, running for fitness and even moreso for the sense of freedom it gave him, tending daily to his fantasy hockey pool, and being “at home with just us two.”

The positive thoughts and prayers of many within and beyond the church community and the expressions of care from family, friends, church members, health care workers, and even strangers have been a key part of this journey. In deep grief and deep gratitude, thanks be to God.

In lieu of a memorial service, please read the tribute and celebrate Gary’s life by giving blood, encouraging a health care worker, or doing some other deliberate act of kindness. Donations in his memory gratefully received by a charity of your choice.

Love the Lord your God
with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Matthew 22:37, 39

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48 responses

  1. My heart broke open reading this. I don’t have words. I am with you in spirit. ♥.

    1. It helps me to share. Thank you for reading, Niki.

  2.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    April, may the Peace of our Lord be with you.

    1. And also with you. Amen.

  3. I’m deeply sorry to hear of your devastating loss and its unexpected timing. Praying the peace of Christ would be your constant companion in this time of grief, April.

    1. Thank you for your comment, and for praying, Judy. I’m grateful for the faithful presence of Christ and for the support of Christian community.

  4. Anna Rehan Avatar
    Anna Rehan

    Dear April, I am so very sorry for your loss! Even though our paths crossed only periodically, I remember you both well… Gary for his warm smile, and you for your writing, which has spoken to me in some difficult times. May God wrap his loving arms around you and give you peace!

    1. I appreciate your words of comfort and peace, Anna. I too remember you well, and it’s good to see you here. Thank you.

  5. Nancy Fisher Avatar
    Nancy Fisher

    I’m reading this with tears in my eyes, April, for your loss 🥲. May Gods wrap His everlasting arms around you as you grieve and find your way forward, breath by breath.
    Sending my love 💗

    1. Thank you, Nancy. When taking things a day at a time or a half day at a time seems like too much, when it seems impossible to find a way forward, I can still rest in God’s everlasting arms and take things “breath by breath.” I so appreciate that reminder.

  6. Kimberley Pulizzi Avatar
    Kimberley Pulizzi

    May God help you seek comfort through your loss 🙏

    1. Amen. Thank you, Kimberley.

  7. April, I am in tears. When I read your title my heart just broke open. Hardy is going through some tests this morning as I read your post. Although it feels like we are so alone at times, the everlasting God is there with us and will never leave us or forsake us.Even when we don’t feel God’s presence, God is there!

    1. Thank you, Elfrieda, for your support and prayers. I’ve been grateful for your company on this road, and I pray for you and Hardy as you face your own challenges. Yes, truly, God is with us in whatever we face in this life and the life to come.

  8. RuthW1nnifred! Bowker Avatar
    RuthW1nnifred! Bowker

    Dear April,
    I am so sad for your devastating loss. All my problems seem so small and selfish.

    Love and hugs to you
    Ruth Bowker

    1. Ruth, I appreciate your heart and understanding. Thank you. And I pray that the problems you face will resolve in the best way possible. Love and hugs back to you.

  9. Laura Klassen Avatar
    Laura Klassen

    I am so very sorry for your loss. May God grant you strength.

    Laura Klassen

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Laura. I appreciate your words of consolation and praying for God’s strength. I need that now more than ever.

  10.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    May God grant you strength and peace as you remember and savour all the precious moments you and Gary had together.

    1. Thank you – I’m grateful for so many precious moments, so many precious years that we shared together. God’s strength and peace to you as well.

  11. Dear April, what a prince among men! A generous visionary, man of grace equally well-versed in law, joyful athlete, and all-round faithfully kind and gifted man. I wish I had known him.

    Peace keep you. And prayers rising . . .

    1. Thank you for your grace-filled words, Laurie. I’m grateful that you could catch a glimpse of him here and for the prayers rising. That means a lot to me.

  12. Hugs to you, April.
    Words fail. May God’s comfort prevail during this sad time. ((( )))

    1. Yes, Marian, even for those of us who regularly work and play with words, at times like these words fail, and yet I so deeply appreciate them. Thank you for your words and hugs of comfort.

  13. Oh, dear April. I didn’t want to believe what I read. Your experience mirrors mine and my heart aches for you. Yes, you will go on being who you are and giving as you have, but give yourself time to let your grief be real, and when you can’t keep a commitment, say so. My prayers will certainly surround you.

    1. Thank you for your understanding and for sharing your experience, Ruth. And yes, I am definitely taking time to grieve: https://aprilyamasaki.com/2022/03/14/in-deep-grief-and-deep-gratitude/, Thank you for your prayers.

  14.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Oh April, may the Lord comfort and give you peace. Also just saw this, but thankful Gary is home with his heavenly Father.

    1. Yes, I’m thankful too that we have a hope beyond this earthly life, and in the meantime God’s comfort and peace for the sorrows of this earth. Thank you for your comment.

  15. Grace Smith Avatar
    Grace Smith

    April, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. Please heavenly Father place your loving arms around April and her family. Glory to God, Gary is looking down on us and in the best of company.

    1. Amen. Much appreciated, Grace.

  16. Betty Anne Avatar
    Betty Anne

    Precious in the eyes of God is the death of one of His saints. I think the companion verse is the one that says there is great rejoicing in heaven when one sinner comes to faith. On both occasions, there is joy in heaven. We are valued by our Father who yearns for us to be with Him in Heaven forever.

    1. Ah yes, Psalm 116:15: “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful ones.: And Luke 15:10: “There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Thank you for reminding me of these precious verses.

  17. Lily An Kim Avatar
    Lily An Kim

    You and Gary were devoted to one another till the very end, and your love for each other truly showed. Gary had incredible depth of knowledge and passion for the areas and lives in which he was clearly (long) invested. Thank you for sharing a window into this heart…full of grace and truth.

    1. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, Lily. It’s amazing to be connected after just one conversation on an airplane.

  18. […] in deep grief and deep gratitude, I am observing a period of mourning for my husband, now safely home with God, February 19, 2022. I think about our life together. I pray. I cry. I journal. I sort through […]

  19. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    May the Peace of Christ sustain you as it did me in the passing of my 24yr old son in 2018. Your faith in the eternal realm will see you through this most devastating time in your life’s journey.

    1. I’m sorry for the passing of your son. Thank you for sharing this with me and for your witness to the sustaining power of God through your time of loss and grief. May God continue to grant peace for your journey and mine. Amen.

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  21. […] us knew that just a few weeks later, his health would take a sudden turn for the worse and he would swiftly pass from this life to the next. By that time I had already signed the contract with CSS Publishing. By that time I already had a […]

  22. […] I agreed to a deadline of October 1. For a short book of sermons that seemed doable. But with my husband’s sudden passing, I suddenly couldn’t write . . . until months later suddenly I could. After all, he was the […]

  23. […] sometimes the grief over my husband’s passing makes me feel anxious. Sometimes I just want to leave the kitchen in a mess, ignore the phone and […]

  24. […] not confident about anything these days. When my husband died unexpectedly last year, my entire world shifted, and I still haven’t found my footing. And there is so […]

  25. […] my husband died unexpectedly last year, I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t write much except my personal journal where […]

  26. […] then came the sudden downturn, the unexpected critical event that broke our dreams. My husband did not recover and return home from the hospital. He did not resume his academic work, or finish his hockey pool with friends, or come home to be […]

  27. […] these last months of remembering, mourning, and finding a new way forward, I have found some comfort in responding personally to […]

  28. […] phrasing strikes a truer chord in me, for the grief that descended a year and a half ago remains, the loss of my life partner keenly felt in small, everyday ways, and as I now make larger decisions without him by my side as […]

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  30. […] have wondered aloud whether the way he was treated in his abrupt job termination contributed to his death some years later from cancer-related complications. It was certainly a burden that he continued to […]

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Faith and Hope with April Yamasaki

I write, edit, teach, preach, and mentor in a variety of venues, platforms, and publications. The common thread? To encourage and inspire people of all ages to live with faith and hope. I’d love for you to join me!

In all the challenges, joys, and ordinary moments of daily life, God’s mercies never fail. They are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).